October 4, 2007
Anchorage Daily News, Page: B4
Byline: Alex Sheshunoff
Web Searches at Telephone Office Revealing of Alaskans
I recently made a discovery: ACS doesn't delete the Google search histories from the public computers in their waiting area. Taken together, those searches offer a unique window into the Alaska mind and character. Or at least the average ACS customer.
Many of us, it seems, are seeking alternative phone service -- nothing like a $600 cancellation fee for a cell phone you never received to make you reconsider your provider. Among the topics Googled were gci, gci store, gci.net, cellular one, anchorage cingular, and lyrics to "What Was I Thinking." Some were taking things further: better business bureau, lawyer referral service + Anchorage, and DOBERMAN BREEDERS. Or even further: galactic melee.
But not all the searches were so cranky, Alaska optimism was also apparent in megamillions, gold price, gold panning, and sharebuilder.com (Slogan: "There's an investor in everyone. Even you.") And whoever searched for chocolate phone could envision a much better world than I ever could. Religion came up a lot: heartland church, kenneth copeland ministries, Christianbookdistributors. com, Virtueonline.org, talking bible doll and talking jesus doll.
A lot of folks simply seemed bored (eye-color percentage population, games, bored) or lonely (popular, famous). I thought of the poignant hope that led to the search for people -- it almost had a question mark at the end. People? Anyone? Many were, in fact, searching for specific people. My favorite: Don and Donna Rainsbarger. Anchorage's increasing diversity was also evident (Guatemala news, e-mela.com ("Home of Bangladesh"), phones for international students).
Education was a commonly searched subject (s.a.t., UAA, graduate school). Apparently, it's a subject that could use a little more searching (City of Juno; Hayes Alaska; Creigs list; Urben Ninja). Except for one search for Alaska Bush Company, the entries were mostly wholesome (Alaska state fair, knitting instructions, dogs).
Of course, the public location and ACS's software filter might have had a role. During my second visit (for the same billing error), I started imagining that certain pairs of searches were done by the same person: acs customer service and kung fu wooden sparing partner, or funny mixed up videos and fbi investigation procedures.
When it comes to politics, I noticed ted stevens got a search, but Don Young and Frank Murkowski did not. It seems people weren't as interested in government as its dividends (Alaska pfd, Pfd in alaska, pfd prices). Many, no doubt, would spend their PFDs on travel (tahiti, yucatan, Sheraton Waikiki, cheap tickets, hawaiian shirts.) Though some would spend theirs on gear (Skidoo 100 sdi turbo, yamaha dealership, sage fishing), or perhaps upgrading things around the house (how to remove the urine smell from old furniture). One person might even spend a PFD on a PFD (stormy seas vest anchorage). On the subject of puns (and other crimes), the legal system was a commonly searched subject (git crunk, alaska meth, anchorage arrest, apd.com, state court of alaska, right to a quick counsel, inmate locator).
In for the third time (for the same billing error) I started imagining that some searches were done by the same person, just over multiple visits. The real story behind these searches, like the contours of body parts below a sheet, lay hidden: cute shoes cheap men's cologne poetry magazine cubic zirconia rings wedding centerpiece french baby names. I started wondering if so much time at ACS was good for the soul. Some had already preceded me over the edge (spiders on drugs, Justin Timberlake, Demonic Defense 3).
On my fourth trip would I too be searching for turtle sales, munchkin boilers and teacup puppies alaska? I got my bill cleared up and, in the process, learned that people in Alaska are like people everywhere else. Only weirder. And more likely to spend their afternoons at the phone company.
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Alex Sheshunoff is a writer living in Anchorage.
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